Here we go again.

So recently I have been having weird insecure feelings again..feelings of distrust, annoyance, depression, and a little bit of emptyness. I am not sure where it has been coming from which has been making me get even more "weird" and upset because I'm trying so hard to figure it out.
I had mentioned one day that I used to write out how I felt, and that in doing so it made it really easy for me to figure out what it ACTUALLY is that is bothering and notice that everything else I'm thinking about are silly and insignificant.
Mostly I feel like I am just afraid of things changing, for the good, or for the bad.
I have come to a point to where I finally am letting down my guard fully and accepting everything that is in front of me, and in turn it's freaking me out. Like REALLY freaking me out, and bottom line I just want to ever feel again the way I have felt before when losing a relationship.
That being said...I can only control my own actions and my own feelings.
Everything is perfect with him...he gives me everything I could ever imagined having in a companion, not only at the current time but also in the future. We talk about our lives together, what we want, and how we want to achieve things. It's great- He is amazing.
I don't want to lose him.
I think lately I have just been racking my brain with ways that things COULD be going wrong, and not with things that are ACTUALLY going wrong and I just completely worry myself to death.
I have been reading into little things and assuming meanings about words and actions that don't actually exist. And then I become afraid that in being that way I am have been, I'm going to push him away. Which brings me back full circle to what i'm ultimately afraid of- losing him.
What I need to do is let it go-- not him, but just the idea of me losing him. Because two things will happen- I wont enjoy any of the time we are ACTUALLY having together and I know eventually it will just be too much for him as well. It's almost as if I am making my fear come to reality. Which just is ridiculous and shows that as much as I think that sometimes I dont, I actually do have control.
He mentioned how he missed "confident" max and wanted to stop talking about feelings all the time haha which is good- and it was a good reminder to just let it go and keep moving forward. Whatever happens will happen...I have faith in us together, and I know he is the person I want to be with forever. I know that this time is different than any other time, and HE is different than any other person. Nothing will be the same as it was in the past.

That alone...is great!

thats all for now.